Meet the Wife

"Dude, I'd marry you right now if I could, you're Wife-material, seriously!"

If you're a woman, and you've heard this as a compliment from any of your close guy friends, pull yourself out of the gooey-eyed, twiddled-fingers, 'aw, shucks' mode for just one second and think hard about it.


I turned 22 recently, and I've already heard that statement come my way through my sheepish guy friends, TWICE; For a variety of reasons of course:

1. My 'single' status, which I have maintained flawlessly up until now. No, I am not a lesbian. Yes, I believe in 'The Prince'.

2. My tam-bram family background wherein I automatically am the "Chammatu Ponnae" ("Good girl"). Yes, clubbing is a big deal, Yes, I go out late anyway, but with permission; And no, it is not always granted.

3. I'm diplomatic, not because I don't have an opinion, but because I like peace. No, I don't want to join the UN. No, I'm NOT submissive.

4. Because I -
4.A: "can drive better than the "other women"",
4.B: "have displayed culinary talent",
4.C: am "caring and sweet" and DON'T display "typical female characteristics of the clingy, the needy and the coochy-cooey.

5. Women around me are getting married left-right-and-centre, and it just seems like I'm next because I not seeing anyone of my own choice; And, no, I'm not...NEXT.

Gentlemen...and Ladies, let me assure you that I am in no form, an anti-thesis to any stereotype every created just for the kicks of it. Somehow, being called "Wife-material" as a compliment, didn't click well with me.

I'm sure you accept that it has been quite a while since the "emancipation of women" has brought the whole 'Men and Women are equal' concept to a firm platform, sans the occasional "Kitchen and sandwich" joke that cracks us all up. Well, cracks the men up, the ladies just smile in a mock-dissaproving fashion, anyway.


Lets get a few things straight as I reassure you that I don't speak for the rest of my gender when I say the following. No, I don't speak for them, they will simply agree with me.


Being a Wife, Queen, Begum, (all of these words have the same secondary meaning which is rather annoying, but that's a different story) does NOT mean that we will cook brilliantly, clean incessantly, be naturally good with children, be even tempered the whole year round and calm you down when you are angry. Wives are not status-symbols (clearly *rolls eyes*), not pretty pieces of merchandise to show off to the folks at home and no, wives do not come with a warranty sticker on their foreheads which say, "We'll stick around longer than that skinny bitch you dated last."


If you're looking for the above, that's cool, but just to be fair, you should take into consideration the 'check-list' the woman gender like to tick off in their heads about their kind of gentlemen and no, you are not permitted to throw your hands up in the air and say "Women don't know what they want, it's an endless list, and not worth the hassle."


Battle of the Genders going on in your heads? Get out of it and get real. Both of you.


Look, I'm no expert at the Gender/relationship debate. If you have doubts, kindly check point 1. Truth is, that compliment didn't make any sense to me. Speaking strictly by my experience , I'd like to negate the goody effect of the "Wife-material" compliment.


 I can drive better than most women AND men that I know. If you have doubts about that, well, I don't care. It's not because I'm a "exception as a lady driver". It's because I was trained by a superlative teacher. And I practiced really hard. And I payed attention to detail. You cannot sit in my car and say "Damn, that fool on the curve was a woman-driver, tsk". That's not done.


I "display culinary talents" because, jeez, my mother is a brilliant cook. My COOK is a brilliant cook. My friends' mothers are brilliant cooks. My dad can cook when my mother or cook aren't around! I know men who can cook the most succulent dishes. And I happen to like to watch colourful ingredients do magic on the stove. It's like bloody art! I cannot cook a vast meal, but I make good things, because, yet again, I'm surrounded by highly skilled people. I pay attention when they're baking cakes, and DONT pay attention when they make Karela. It really is that simple.


I clean incessantly because that's just good sense! And as far as children go, I'm an utter disaster with them, I'm most likely to talk to them about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre just to mess with them!



I'm diplomatic and don't like arguments because I enjoy my peace. Really. But that does not mean I'm submissive or will pointlessly let someone rave and rant at me. If men expect women to calm them down when they're angry, I'd like to bring to your notice that it's not a gender role. If the men are likely to argue with "We take care when you PMS" line, I'd like to say, well good! You should! And another times also, when I've had a bad day, when my assignment got poor marks, when I fought with my best friend, when I'm having a creative dry-phase, when a rickshaw guy crashes into my car. These are not PMS frameworks. These happen to the exact times when I need calming down too.



I don't go out partying that often just because I'm a "chammatu ponnae". It's because I'm the only child to my parents and evidently, they panic a lot about my safety. I'll grant them the paranoia and the rules that come from the paranoia because I live under their roof. Secondly, I personally feel clubbing is overrated. I'd rather sit back and smoke a joint.


I'm "caring and sweet", why, because I wrapped a wound? Or made a fast sandwich in a moving car? Or fought an ill guy friend down and put vicks on his nose? Yes, nurses also do that. MALE nurses also do that. Your mothers and fathers both have done that. My parents' Lassa Apsos are caring and sweet. Humans are caring and sweet when they want to be. If you touch my accessories and break them, I will stop being caring and sweet. I will break you.



 Finally, I'm not touchy, needy or coochy-cooey because I'm generally secure about being private, giving space and letting people do their own shit. Plus, I like spending time driving alone around the city. And scheming plots to embarrass my best friend. And other cool stuff.



 I'd like to say, however, that being "Wife-material" may be quite a deal for people, which is totally okay. I can be Tilda Swindon in a suit or Katy Perry in a frock, but while I'm at it, I ensure I'm playing the role because It defines who I am as an individual. I wouldn't do it to fit into a compliment bracket, and certainly not a stereotype that encourages further complications in the sexes. If we can force our minds open to Gay rights, we can force our minds open against stereotyping. "Wife-material" is a stereotypical description, and I'm most certainly against it.



So gentlemen, the next time you wish to say to someone that they are pleasant, intelligent, beautiful, fun etc, just go ahead and ask them out, or propose marriage (if you're serious) if you love spending time with them. Telling them they are "Wife-material" won't cut the chase.

Remember, that just because people are different, and you dont have the potential memory power to recall what each one of them are like, stereotyping them to define their personality just means you'll grow old and die faster. (I'm joking. Not. Okay, I am. But do you care? You're so vain, you want to die young anyway! Okay, that's me. Whatever.)